Contemplation (Freeform Fic)
Monday, 12 August 2013 23:30![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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inkwell_barIt's quiet up here.
That's what Forgotten likes about this spot. Downstairs, the Inkwell hums with life and energy and the general chaoticness that results when you put so many muses in one place and tell them to call it home. But on the roof, the world is peaceful. He sits on the very edge, as far away from where he thinks the bar is as possible, dangling his legs over the ledge and looking up at the night sky. Stars twinkle in a sea of velvet black, and a soft breeze rustles his hair. It's soothing. Gentle. Calming. Nice.
He supposes there's a certain irony to the fact that he's come up here to be alone when the problem is that he's feeling lonely. But he couldn't stay down there -- not with DG and his Alice snuggling in the corner, or Butterfly Boy happily sighing over his new marriage, or Doc, Marty and Dee chatting about this and that, or Simon and Lucy discussing her time in someone's alter-Nexus, or even Steve & Gary arguing about the next generation of video game consoles. He was more alone down there than he is right now up here. Most of those people aren't quite friends, not yet. Oh, he gets along fine with all of them, and that birthday party is still a happy memory -- but there's that slight disconnect there. He chalks it up to starting out on a different site with different rules. He wasn't one of them for a good long while, and it'll take time before he's truly accepted. He understands that, and he appreciates them taking him in regardless -- but some nights, it aches in his chest. And with the one who is a friend --
Sometimes, he wishes Vic would tell her friend to just go ahead and drop her other Alice and get it over with. It was really nice of her to offer up Wits, but -- the fact of the matter is, the couple that came first is Butterfly Boy and Delusional Beauty. The couple that's truly wanted is Butterfly Boy and Delusional Beauty. Butterfly Boy's a married man now, and he -- he's perpetually engaged, with no wedding in sight. Not that it matters, not with most of his old friends having vanished into the ether and his hold on his new ones looking a mite -- unsteady. Even Alia, his "little sister," seems more -- distant. More attached to Butterfly Boy's world these days. Some days, he's jealous -- other days, just resigned. He loves his weird big/little brother/father alternate, but -- occasionally, he can't help but think that Butterfly Boy is the one they all truly want. The cheerful genius, not the broken, half-mad lover of the weird.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Mallow Hallow wasn't looking more and more withered by the day. He likes Astralfield, he really does. He likes making friends, having weird dreams, and -- well, he's not looking forward to the eventual "Bumby Dream" mini-plot, but getting a proper spellbook would be nice. But activity's dropped off terribly, and his friends -- or potential friends -- are vanishing one by one. And he knows his mun has no idea what to do. It's like he's not allowed to have anything good -- that as soon as he tries to grab onto happiness, it dissolves away and slips through his hands.
He misses her.
He remembers the early days, when it was I Only Take Tea With Friends, and they couldn't get enough of each other. He remembers his life slowly taking shape amid scattered plots about nightmares and going into his head and learning how to express his love in a whole new way. He remembers the way her skin tasted, the way her hair felt in his fingers, the way his clothes always were on the verge of getting ruined. And there's some of that with Wits too -- a birthday present that made his heart swell with love, having cake while dealing with his unfortunate gender swapping, giving her a kitten and watching her eyes light up. . . But Tea is gone, and Wits is merely a ghost who shows up in his life every month or so before vanishing again in favor of her mad-science-loving sister. And he hasn't seen hide nor hair of Do You Suppose or Fears Nothing in months (and judging by talk around dear_mun, the latter has someone else in her life anyway, and Do You Suppose was never the most steady of partners). . . She's his anchor, his savior, his primary reason to get up in the morning -- and he never sees her anymore. Every Alice that comes into his life seems to fade just as soon as they get close. And seeing DG with Save Us every day --
Even the fanfic struggles, given that his mun is constantly revising and rejiggering and -- ugh. He likes that his history is growing more solid, but what use is it without someone to share it with? What has he got that's truly his?
He sighs, then looks up at the night sky again. The stars twinkle against the black. Slowly, he reaches into his pocket and draws out a box of matches. Removing one, he snaps it in half and encloses it in a fist. His will wraps around it with an ease born of long practice. Moments later, light leaks from the spaces between his fingers. He releases the glowing orb from its prison, and smiles as it bobs in front of him.
If nothing else -- he always has the ability to add to the starlight.
That's what Forgotten likes about this spot. Downstairs, the Inkwell hums with life and energy and the general chaoticness that results when you put so many muses in one place and tell them to call it home. But on the roof, the world is peaceful. He sits on the very edge, as far away from where he thinks the bar is as possible, dangling his legs over the ledge and looking up at the night sky. Stars twinkle in a sea of velvet black, and a soft breeze rustles his hair. It's soothing. Gentle. Calming. Nice.
He supposes there's a certain irony to the fact that he's come up here to be alone when the problem is that he's feeling lonely. But he couldn't stay down there -- not with DG and his Alice snuggling in the corner, or Butterfly Boy happily sighing over his new marriage, or Doc, Marty and Dee chatting about this and that, or Simon and Lucy discussing her time in someone's alter-Nexus, or even Steve & Gary arguing about the next generation of video game consoles. He was more alone down there than he is right now up here. Most of those people aren't quite friends, not yet. Oh, he gets along fine with all of them, and that birthday party is still a happy memory -- but there's that slight disconnect there. He chalks it up to starting out on a different site with different rules. He wasn't one of them for a good long while, and it'll take time before he's truly accepted. He understands that, and he appreciates them taking him in regardless -- but some nights, it aches in his chest. And with the one who is a friend --
Sometimes, he wishes Vic would tell her friend to just go ahead and drop her other Alice and get it over with. It was really nice of her to offer up Wits, but -- the fact of the matter is, the couple that came first is Butterfly Boy and Delusional Beauty. The couple that's truly wanted is Butterfly Boy and Delusional Beauty. Butterfly Boy's a married man now, and he -- he's perpetually engaged, with no wedding in sight. Not that it matters, not with most of his old friends having vanished into the ether and his hold on his new ones looking a mite -- unsteady. Even Alia, his "little sister," seems more -- distant. More attached to Butterfly Boy's world these days. Some days, he's jealous -- other days, just resigned. He loves his weird big/little brother/father alternate, but -- occasionally, he can't help but think that Butterfly Boy is the one they all truly want. The cheerful genius, not the broken, half-mad lover of the weird.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Mallow Hallow wasn't looking more and more withered by the day. He likes Astralfield, he really does. He likes making friends, having weird dreams, and -- well, he's not looking forward to the eventual "Bumby Dream" mini-plot, but getting a proper spellbook would be nice. But activity's dropped off terribly, and his friends -- or potential friends -- are vanishing one by one. And he knows his mun has no idea what to do. It's like he's not allowed to have anything good -- that as soon as he tries to grab onto happiness, it dissolves away and slips through his hands.
He misses her.
He remembers the early days, when it was I Only Take Tea With Friends, and they couldn't get enough of each other. He remembers his life slowly taking shape amid scattered plots about nightmares and going into his head and learning how to express his love in a whole new way. He remembers the way her skin tasted, the way her hair felt in his fingers, the way his clothes always were on the verge of getting ruined. And there's some of that with Wits too -- a birthday present that made his heart swell with love, having cake while dealing with his unfortunate gender swapping, giving her a kitten and watching her eyes light up. . . But Tea is gone, and Wits is merely a ghost who shows up in his life every month or so before vanishing again in favor of her mad-science-loving sister. And he hasn't seen hide nor hair of Do You Suppose or Fears Nothing in months (and judging by talk around dear_mun, the latter has someone else in her life anyway, and Do You Suppose was never the most steady of partners). . . She's his anchor, his savior, his primary reason to get up in the morning -- and he never sees her anymore. Every Alice that comes into his life seems to fade just as soon as they get close. And seeing DG with Save Us every day --
Even the fanfic struggles, given that his mun is constantly revising and rejiggering and -- ugh. He likes that his history is growing more solid, but what use is it without someone to share it with? What has he got that's truly his?
He sighs, then looks up at the night sky again. The stars twinkle against the black. Slowly, he reaches into his pocket and draws out a box of matches. Removing one, he snaps it in half and encloses it in a fist. His will wraps around it with an ease born of long practice. Moments later, light leaks from the spaces between his fingers. He releases the glowing orb from its prison, and smiles as it bobs in front of him.
If nothing else -- he always has the ability to add to the starlight.
