Just Don't Call Him An April Fool

[flightattendantguy]

I think everyone involved in this business knows the drill by now -- the Inkwell's got blue and white streamers held up with clips shaped like airplanes; the traditional airplane snacks (peanuts and pretzels) are lined up on the bar in handy dishes, and a plush purple squid wearing a pilot's cap serves as a centerpiece for the birthday boy's table (courtesy of Dee). Come in, eat food, chat, and basically make merry. Simon certainly is.

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[flightattendantguy]

Vic chuckles. "Well, I'm glad to help out -- even if you've spontaneously developed an AU because of it." She waves a hand. "And no worries, when she gets to it."

"Gotta love time travel," Simon says, shaking his head. "Your head looks good for being five centuries older than the rest of ya, Data. And okay, even I'd be blurting out the big three words if I wasn't sure if I wasn't ever going to see the one loved again, reciprocation be damned."

"It's a time-honored trope," Vic nods. "Kind of sucks that you had to wait two years after that to actually get your feelings returned, but I suppose progress cannot be rushed." She smiles slightly. "Must have been odd to have a boyfriend who wasn't always in your head after so many that were -- hey, where exactly is Data on the list? I assume near the end, but. . ." But it's such a long list it's easy to lose track

"Yeah, true," Simon smirks. "I can get going when you get me on that damn zombie town, or all the crap I've had to put up with on past birthdays. . .hell, even Victor rambles when you get him on butterflies. And not just the one you'd assume, either." Cue fidgeting and some eye-rolling on the part of the Victors.

[alienlisa]

AL waves her off. "She's not the first alternate version of me. She's just the one that's actually active-ish, depending on what of yours she's reading. I have two others. You know my winged unicorn form? Apparently, in those universes, I decided to remain that way permanently because - and isn't this always the way - I fell in love with one of the equine breed. One is Goldy - Golden Mun, one of mine. The other..." She pauses and sighs a little, the very tips of her wings taking on a slight blue hue. "The other is named Astrofucus and he was a friend of a really good friend of the alter ego's who had an accident a while ago and, as a result, is no longer active online anymore. We haven't seen Astro since, either. It's hard when your friends lose touch, but we'll always be here whenever and if ever they decide to return." She shrugs and fiddles around in hammerspace. "Here's pictures...Goldy and Astro."

Then she smiles. "He's third-to-last." She thinks a minute. "Here, I'll illustrate. Line up, guys. Doctor, do you still have that pad and pencil?"

Five reaches into his coat and pulls out a pencil and a sketchbook that looked really too large to be in an inside pocket but whatever. The rest of the guys line up, Adam and Tommy briefly in their old positions before a twirling finger from AL signales to them that they have to switch. Empty chairs start levitating as she's writing names on the paper and tearing the pages out of the book, placing themselves as holders for the ones who aren't there.

After a moment, she pauses with the pencil held over the pad. She clears her throat and holds them out. "Can someone else write his name? I just...I can't."

Gary obliges, taking the pad and pencil from her, writing down a name and putting it on the chair between himself and Clark. She smiles gratefully at him.

Once everyone is in place, the scene is: two empty chairs (labeled Ben and Vince), Jamie, Five, a chair (labeled Doc), Eight, chair (War Doctor), Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Tommy, Adam, three chairs (Doc, Ryan and Dex), Clark, chair (Wesley - in Gary's handwriting), Gary, Jesse, Luke, Coulson, a chair (Phoenix), Data, a last chair (Ben), Erik.

Jack and Radu stand off to the side out of the way. AL explains, "Those two were just friends. They're here because I want them here."

AL then stands between the first two chairs. "These happened before I lost my memory and my family. Ben, as you may or may not know, is the alter ego of the alter ego's ex-fiance. Vince is a kind of freedom fighter with bat wings - called a Batavian. Another friend of the alter ego borrowed me for a story she was writing and that was made part of my canon."

She points to the empty space between Vince's chair and Jamie. "Secundus!Me's Adam Steel would be here. He looks like Tommy because, if I may get meta, the same actor played both."

She walks down the line. "Now this is after the explosion that wiped my memory. So, Jamie and Five." She stops at the chair. "My Doc. While not a romantic relationship, I was linked to him so he counts. It was with him I was taken out of time and reunited with the Doctor."

She walks on. "Eight." Stopping at the chair, she says, "The War Doctor. You met him at my 50th anniversary party. While, yes, he fought in the Time War, he was still the Doctor - no matter what he or any of them say - and I still loved him and I still stayed with him, helping where I could."

Moving along. "Nine, Ten." She pauses. "Technically the Meta-Crisis Tenth Doctor would be here but he went to the alternate universe. He'd age like a normal human and the Doctor and I wouldn't have been able to care for him, so we left him with someone who could." It's a rather painful memory but she shakes it off.

She walks on. "Eleven, Twelve, Tommy, Adam." She stops at the three chairs. "Doc again after we were reunited. Then Ryan Steele, with an 'e' at the end. Now, Adam Steel, no 'e', down there could be here in a different universe but the alter ego decided to use him for Secundus!Me. Ryan was a VR Trooper who fought evil monsters in virtual reality. And Dex...well, Prince Dex of the planet Edenoi. Tommy and I met him while he was a Power Ranger and afterward Dex was sent to Earth by his grandfather to fight off yet another evil force." She chuckles. "Earth was invaded a lot in the 90s."

Moving on. "Clark." She stops at the chair, a pained look on her face. Clearing her throat, she says, "Wesley." Her voice cracks. "He was a Watcher for a vampire slayer but he went rogue to hunt demons and he met me. We were happy for a while, then he..." She winces again. "He wasn't the man I loved anymore and I severed the link and left." And that's all she'd like to say about that.

Quickly she moves down the line. "Gary, Jesse, Luke, Coulson." Stopping at the chair. "Yes, the alter ego up and ultimately decided that Phoenix Wright was going to be added to the list. She still insists that I rescued him from falling off a cliff, so we'll go with that for now until she decides to expand on it."

She makes a Vanna White pose at Data. "Here he is. Sadly the alter ego decided that he really couldn't be around forever as much as we both wanted him to and thus had him shut down permanently after he'd been alive for 122 years." She takes his hand and cuddles up to him. "We got together five years after first meeting, he got the emotion chip two years later, and we had 89 more years together until that awful day." She squeezes him and sighs, then points to the chair beside him. "Ben again, though I broke it off with him, too. Different reason, though, from...from him." She jerks her thumb behind her at Wesley's chair. "Things happen."

Not really wanting to move from Data yet, she just points to the last person. "Last but not least, Erik." She then spreads her arms, smiling. "These are The Guys. There are many like them, but these are mine." She laughs.

[8docs_n_1victor]

"Right, yeah, I remember that one," Vic says with a nod. "You and Goldy end up together and -- I believe a foal is eventually involved?" She blinks. "Never heard of Astrofucus though. . .though I guess I wouldn't have if their mun isn't online these days." Sighing, she gives AL's shoulder a pat. "I'm sorry you guys have lost contact. Here's hoping someday they can come back."

The set-up of the line is watched with interest, with a couple of whistles from the turrets as people start getting into place and more chairs are pushed in. "Sheesh, woman, you're practically a harem anime waiting to happen," Steve comments.

"Hey, nothing wrong with having lots of partners," Lucy retorts, giving him a nudge with her foot so he rocks dangerously on his tripod.

"Oi, watch the chassis, we just got cleaned!"

"I remember Ben," Vic confirms as AL starts the countdown. "Though I always thought he just came after all that. . .probably missed something, you know how I am. And hey, get as meta as you want," she adds, chuckling as she nods at her collection of Docs and Victors.

The rest of the list is presented without comment until the end, though there's plenty of nodding, a few snickers at the "Earth was invaded a lot in the 90s" line, and some sympathetic looks as she describes breaking up with Wesley and Data's eventual end. "Not even synthetics truly last forever," OckDoc says as his tentacles wind about him. "Though I would have guessed at longer than just 122 years given his head survived for 500. . .then again, he probably needed some serious repair work after all that to restore full functionality."

NonTrilogy Doc does a quick count, including Jack and Radu since they must be special to her if they're here. "So, overall, 26 unique relationships," he reports. "Disregarding the repeat of my own name and Ben's in the chairs. Of those, we exclude Jack and Radu to come to 24 linked relationships, and my counterpart to arrive at 23 specifically romantic relationships. Though a pedantic could argue the various Doctors are all a subset of one person."

"I think most people would agree that the different actors and different ways of playing him means he's really a new person each time," Butterfly Boy counterpoints. "And if you add AUs, it goes up to 26. Although, while we're on the subject -- is your relationship with Adam in my verse just an addition to the usual lineup, or do things work differently for Secundus!you?"

[alienlisa]

"Yeah, Alida," AL says, nodding. "Actually, our friend randomly decided to draw the daughter of me and Astro, so there's her, too. Her name is Solaris. They went offline before we met you, so no, you wouldn't know him." She rummages around hammerspace again. "Pictures if you want them...Alida." Ignore the text...it's the best I have currently. "And Solaris."

"Ben's...a special case," she continues. "JB and I met and dated in the past but we lost contact. Then I met Vince and I can't tell you the ultimate conclusion there because the friend who was writing the story hasn't finished it. Then Alnilam was invaded and I lost my memories. Ben would randomly pop into my life on occasion afterwards but we found out that our timelines aren't synced up - think the Doctor and River Song, though we all know my feelings for that woman." She clears her throat. "When I met him for the first time - as far as I knew since I didn't remember him - and had no idea who he was, he already knew me. When I met him a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away - " That tells you what universe that was. " - I knew him but he knew nothing about me." She pauses and thinks a moment. "I think he'd had amnesia, too, but I'm not sure. Anyways, we weren't synced up until I saw him in the 24th century."

"I'll explain the 122 years then..." AL says with a squeeze of Data's hand. "This is hard to talk about, so the Cliff's Notes version is...Ben - the real one - had decided that Ben - Jedi Ben - was going to captain a starship called the Victory in the 25th century and I was to be the science officer. This was also when he and I would get together again, so Data, unfortunately...couldn't be around. So when the math was calculated, that's when 122 was picked."

"When I had been active for 120 years, that is when it was discovered my power cells wouldn't hold their charge," explains Data so AL wouldn't have to. "That is why I had decided to build a starship. My memories would be transfered into the computer."

"Apparently," adds AL, "two years is the magic number for new starships. Both the Enterprise-A and the Enterprise-E were comissioned two years after their predecessors' destructions."

"Hence one hundred twenty-two years," concludes Data. He then cants his head. "If the fact that my head is 500 years older than my body is factored in, then my head had been active for over 600 years. I believe that could have been a factor in my demise."

AL grimaces. "Can you not say it that way?"

"I apologize."

She shakes her head and clears her throat. "Well, I know I had other 'special' relationships other than just Jack and Radu. Even I can't keep track of everything I do." She chuckles. "But we'll go with that, sure." She smiles.

AL thinks about Butterfly Boy's question, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Everything's the same up until the attack on Alnilam. When that happened, I still lost my family but I didn't lose my memories - just my powers I wasn't born with, my natural healing power, and the use of my wings until I relearned to fly. Instead I went Creative with a specialty in healing - that explains why my healing power went poof - and, ultimately, went to live in Secundus. So Ben, Vince, Adam...and that's it. V mentioned that, in Secundus, there are ways of lengthening one's lifespan and bringing someone back from the dead is relatively easy so as long as they're together I can't see me wanting to leave." She smiles at Butterfly Boy, hands spread. "Can you blame me? You yourself didn't want to leave and you were only there for, what, a couple of hours?" Her smile gets wider.

((OMG WOMAN! I popped into Secundus to see how long Victor had been there before agreeing to stay and I wound up reading like three chapters! Maybe that story will be written sooner than I thought, lol.))

[flightattendantguy]

"Awww, I see." Vic look at the pictures. "Heh, they're cute -- and colorful! Apparently you have good horsie genes." File that under "sentences you think you'll never say. . ."

Vic can't help a snort as Lisa explains the whole Ben situation. "Oh man, yeah, I do know how you feel about River," she says, giggling. "Now that's irony. . .you should sue her for stealing your weird-ass timeline problems. At least you guys finally got back on track at some point? 'Cause I can imagine how frustrating it was with you two knowing different stuff about each other."

"Ahhhh," OckDoc says with a little nod as AL and Data explain why just over a century before breakdown. "That makes a bit more sense. Power cells would probably have a shorter life than the other components anyway -- and right, having a head older than the rest of you couldn't have helped. Although you're lucky that you had the option of transferring your memories into another storage system. Us organics don't usually get that option, unless we're in the right sci-fi novel."

"Wait -- so Data was in the Victory?" Simon asks, wanting to make sure he's got all this straight. "So your old/new flame was piloting your previous boyfriend?" Steve and Gary promptly start snickering. "You know what I mean!"

"Oh, I know that," NonTril Doc assures her. "I was merely counting those who were present. I figure that if they come to our parties, they're the people you're particularly close to. Given how many fandoms your mun is in, I wouldn't know where to start counting with ALL your relationships."

"So Secundus!you is rather like me, then -- one change, and suddenly your entire life's story is different," Butterfly Boy says, smiling. "And yes, there are -- and I imagine someone whose specialty is healing would be able to take advantage of all of them. Or even invent her own methods." He laughs and rubs the back of his head. "Well, it's very easy to get swept up in a Touched's enthusiasm. . .especially if they've just given you tea and cookies rather than strapping you to a table. Being a latent Touched myself probably had a hand in that too."

((*snork* That even happens to ME if I go back to read my old stuff sometimes. I'm glad to be inspiring?))

[alienlisa]

AL smiles. "Thanks."

She giggles, too, at the thought of suing River. "Luckily the times he was around were only brief and, usually, we were too busy fighting evil to think about what we did or didn't know about each other. The only time he was constantly around - minus the 25th century - was when I was with Luke and he tended to keep his distance. Knowing now how he felt about me, he was probably kicking himself for introducing me to Luke in the first place." She shrugs.

She then nods at OckDoc, then groans. "Ugh...now the alter ego is thinking of rewriting that damn thing..."

Data puts a hand on her shoulder. "She admits that the first draft, while it told the story, it did not 'flow' the way it should have."

AL just grunts at that and, instead, turns her attention to Simon. She makes a so-so gesture. "I guess. Like I said: Ben's idea. Since he and the alter ego aren't together anymore, odds are that that part of my timeline won't be expanded upon too much unless something happens on his end."

Nodding at NonTril Doc, she says, "Yeah, true. And it just keeps expanding depending on whatever she's watching or whatever. That's how Phoenix and Coulson got added."

"Yep," she says lastly to Butterfly Boy. "If I know me, she'd probably organize it so that she and Adam would...go...at the same time. That way one doesn't have to live without the other." She then remembers that Butterfly Boy outlives his version of Alice and her wings flush pink. "Er...sorry."

[flightattendantguy]

"Ahhh -- yeah, keeping the universe safe kind of precludes awkward conversations," Vic agrees with a nod. She snickers. "Oh boy, I bet. Well, he got his turn eventually, even if it didn't work out in the end."

"The writer's constant problem," Vic agrees, shaking her head. "I'm actually in the process of refining 'Forgetting You' to make it better. So many little things that could have been done better. . . Well, it'll be a stronger story in the end for all that. I'm sure yours will be too."

"Ben has some weird ideas," is Simon's opinion on that. "But yeah, I can see how it would be awkward to poke around the ex's part of the world. . . I'll just try not to think about it. If they'll stop laughing," he adds with a pointed look at the still-giggling turrets.

"So we heard," NonTrilDoc nods back. "It's funny -- you take the characters of every property you like, while Victor steals the plots."

"So I like crossover fusion AUs," Vic says, folding her arms. "Butterfly Boy and Forgotten Vows wouldn't really exist otherwise."

"Trust me, we're very grateful you like to throw things together in a big pot of ideas," Butterfly Boy says, before turning back to Lisa. "And that's very good of her." His eyebrows lower. "I wish my mun had decided on that route."

"It's not a long time between your passings. . ."