It's The Year Of The -- Portal?

[thosetwoturrets]

Well, it's certainly a new year, and that means a new birthday party! This time for our favorite foul-mouthed turrets! How these two got through GLaDOS's assembly line is anyone's guess. (Except the mun's headcanon is that they were taken off the line as regular turrets and reprogrammed by bored programmers, sooo. . .) Anyway, you all know the drill -- red and white Inkwell, the boys sitting around the bar playfully shining their targeting lasers at everybody, cake, snacks, the works. Come in and welcome the New Year in style!

Comments

[flightattendantguy]

Simon's got present duty today, bringing up a rather large box wrapped in shiny black paper. "Here you go, guys," he says, setting it in front of them. "Happy birthday!"

[thosetwoturrets]

"Thanks, guys!" Steve says as Gary goes puppy to rip off the wrapping paper. Soon revealed is a Wii U box, along with some Wii Remotes and a Balance Board. "Oh hey -- what, didn't want us to get into a Playstation vs Xbox fight?" he jokes.

[clockwork_doc]

"Well, that and the fact we're pretty sure this is a console you haven't managed to somehow hack into via Aperture Science magitek," Doc replies with a grin. "The extra controllers have been modified to be more durable and respond better to puppies chewing on them and waving them around. We'll have to make some tweaks as you playtest, but that's true of any game console, isn't it?"

[thosetwoturrets]

"Yeah, and you're probably better at fixing bugs than Sony or Microsoft or any of them," Gary agrees, nosing the boxes. "But thanks! Look forward to wrecking some shit in -- well, I dunno. I know this had to have come with some games, but what the hell's on the Wii?"

[forgotten_vows]

"These two games, for starters," Forgotten Vows says with a grin, stepping forward with some smaller boxes in white paper. Gary pulls, and the titles "No More Heroes" and "No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle" are revealed. "Vic and I have been watching Helloween's LP of these, and I think you'll really enjoy them. Plenty of blood, action, fighting, and general pervertedness."

[thosetwoturrets]

"Awww, you know us so well," Steven says with joking tenderness. "But sounds awesome! Come on, guys, let's get this shit set up so we can start whacking up some dudes!"

"All for that!" Gary agrees, carefully chewing the top of the box. "Open 'er up and let 'er rip!"

[clockwork_doc]

"All right, all right," Doc laughs, shooing Gary away from the box so he and the others can start unpacking. "Let's get playtesting!"

[alienlisa]

"Fashionably late," argues AL to no one in particular as she and the guys make their entrance. She waves hello to everyone, says "Happy birthday, turrets!" and then proceeds to throw a small handful of a purple grain that looks suspiciously like rice over Victor and Alice. "Congrats you two!"

[thosetwoturrets]

"That's your excuse for everything," Steve jokingly responds, waving his side flaps at her. "Thanks, though!"

Victor and Alice look briefly startled by the shower, then blush. "T-thank you," Victor says quietly. "We, ah, d-didn't really want to take over the proceedings. . ."

[alienlisa]

AL's wings flush pink. "Yeah, yeah. For Time Lords and time travelers we're not very good at keeping time." She shrugs, then turns to Victor and Alice. "I know. I just thought I'd mention it once." The purple rice proceeds to float up and into the trash.

She catches sight of the turrets' games and she chuckles. "Why do I have the sudden urge to shout 'My spleen!'."

[thosetwoturrets]

"Isn't that a running joke for guys with time machines?" Gary asks, tilting his head. "Always showing up late for shit?"

Alice shrugs. "I suppose it's an irony few can resist." She gives Lisa a little smile. "Thank you, though. It's nice to finally be official."

"Oh dear Lord, that's both one of the best and worst things about that game," Vic says, somehow simultaneously laughing and groaning. "It's a fantastic line, but it's said so often..."

"Welp, just another way to annoy the shit out of you if we need to!" Steve declares, and gets beaned with a bow for his trouble.

[alienlisa]

AL spreads her hands and half shrugs. "Well, the Doctor definitely." The Time Lords glare at her, Twelve being especially good at it. She ignores them. "The TARDIS definitely has trouble going where he wants her to go - the twelve year gap between first meeting Amy and seeing her again comes to mind - "

"The TARDIS was damaged from the regeneration," Eleven points out.

" - though she definitely takes him where he needs to go."

And that shuts them up.

"Though Dee's pretty good at getting Doc and Marty where they want to go, eh, kid?" AL ruffles her hair.

[dee_lorean81]

"Eh, guess that's more important," Steve allows.

Dee beams up at her. "Yup! I mean, there was that one malfunction, but I blame that one on Biff slamming me into a dumpster when he tried to fly me." She makes a face. "Stupid Tannens."

"Hey, yeah, that's actually a legit reason for the glitch, isn't it?" Marty comments. "I mean, the movie makes it sound like Doc's known about it for a while, but it never comes up BEFORE Biff nearly crashes you -- and the whole shebang takes place over just three or so days, right? At least, in 1985 time."

[alienlisa]

AL nods. "I was told by the TARDIS herself that she can go to my planet without trouble because she knows that if we're going there, we need to go there."

She then thinks. "That's true. I mean 'Damn, gotta fix that thing' could just be a distracted 'Oh a glitch I gotta fix that when all this mess is sorted' rather than 'The time circuits are playing up again I really should fix that when all this mess is sorted'." Her wings perk up. "Well, I can't speak for my Doc because he's not here, so let's put the assembled Docs here on the spot." She eyes the Docs that Part II/III has happened to. "The short in the time circuits that sent you all back to the Old West...was that a result of Biff or was that around beforehand?"

[8docs_n_1victor]

". . .You know, that sounds good until you realize it means every time you see where you live it's gonna be in danger," Gary comments.

That's -- in fact, ONE Doc. OckDoc, to be precise, who looks rather embarrassed about the whole thing. "The trilogy happened differently for me -- but as a thought exercise, given that Biff wasn't exactly careful, I wouldn't be surprised if he caused it. The earlier 'glitchiness' with the time machine stems more from DeLoreans not having the best engines than the time circuits themselves."

"Don't we actually see sparks when he's flying the DeLorean?" Tommy asks.

"No, you're confusing it with when Father accidentally snags the pennants," Jules replies.

[alienlisa]

"Nine times out of ten - because the alter ego likes to send us there a lot when she does write - we're heading to Alnilam because he needs a time out," says AL. "Not the 'you're in trouble' kind, but the 'you need to forget about the rest of the universe and take a break' kind. Ever since the Warlord attack, the unicorns have the planet protected so it wouldn't be attacked again."

The Doctors look thoughtful. "Alnilam is peaceful," says Eleven.

"I found out that the planet has a calming effect on me," adds Five. "Maybe it was the link between us?"

AL shrugs and makes a few "beats the hell outta me" gestures with her hands. "Sure, we're go with that." She chuckles and the tips of her wings pink slightly.

She idly pets a tentacle while thinking. "Yeah, I guess you have a point. There was the whole problem with the starter, too. I've heard DeLoreans weren't the best cars. No offense, Dee." She puts an arm around her and gives her a squeeze.

[thosetwoturrets]

"What, with like some big fancy magic forcefield?" Steve asks, sounding quite intrigued by the idea.

"Maybe," Vic says. "And however it calms you down, it's good that you have a place where you can just relax. From what I've heard, most of your attempts at pure pleasure trips tend to go horribly wrong."

"Meh," Dee says, scrunching up her nose. "Daddy made me lots better, and that's what counts."

"Indeed," Vic agrees, before holding up a finger. "Hang on, I'm gonna grab TrilDoc and see what he has to say about the situation."

[alienlisa]

AL nods. "Yes. The same kind that's around the jungle to keep the dinosaurs in...yeah, Alnilam has dinosaurs. That's the alter ego's fault...she was obsessed with them as a kid so she made a spot for them on Alnilam. A prehistoric environment surrounded by a powerful forcefield run by Kamelion, a unicorn who, true to her name, has the ability to blend into her surroundings. The Doctor added in a perception filter, too. That's why, when you look at the Orion constellation through a telescope, you only see Alnilam the star and not the planet."

AL pats Dee's head. "Of course he did. Because he's awesome." She grins, then nods at V. "Okay, then."

[thosetwoturrets]

"Now that's sciencey stuff," Steve declares as Gary nods in agreement. "Dinosaurs running around, forcefields, invisibility stuff. . .I can hear Johnson yelling about how we should have invented it all first."

Vic snickers and nods, then disappears for a little bit, coming back soon with another Doc in tow. "So, I understand everyone's wondering if we have a possible cause for the glitch in the time circuits in Part II that more or less caused Part III?" he says, looking around.

[alienlisa]

"We kind of forget the dinosaurs are there most of the time," AL says with a shrug. "You have to pass through two meadows and the forest to get there and it's not worth seeking out since you can't get in unless Kamelion lets you."

They wave at the new Doc. "Yep, we are. What say you?" She feels goofy saying it but she said it anyway.

[8docs_n_1victor]

"Seriously? That kind of sucks," Gary says, snuffling. "You should at least have some pterodactyls or something flying around."

TrilogyDoc chuckles. "Well, considering every glitch with the time circuits before Biff got his hands on the car was a result of the starter being less-than-reliable, I would say that Biff is responsible. Or, at the very least, if the issue was present in the background, his poor handling of the car is what made it display. It certainly didn't start flashing until after he returned it. I may have been worried about Marty's future kids, but if I'd seen it earlier I would have fully taken advantage of future technology to repair it."

[alienlisa]

"Pterodactyls aren't dinosaurs," says Twelve. "Dinosaurs do not fly. Or swim."

AL nudges him and gives him a look. "He sounds like he's being snotty but he's not...it's the accent. And his tone. We have a few flying reptiles in there. Actually, there's something from every part of the Mesozoic Era. Which might not work normally due to the different climates of the three eras the dinosaurs lived in but, well...magic." She shrugs and smiles.

After listening to TrilDoc's explanation, she nods. "Yeah, I think that'd be my Doc's take, too."

[thosetwoturrets]

"How the hell aren't they dinosaurs?" Steve asks, waggling his flaps. "Serious question -- why aren't they lumped in with them? Why can't you have a dinosaur fly?"

"Or swim?" Gary agrees. "We ain't biologists -- come on, spill the goods."

"Magic fixes everything," Vic replies with a little nod. "And yeah, it all sounds perfectly reasonable to me too."

"Certainly to me, and I'm the one who dealt with the problem," TrilDoc jokes, grabbing a glass of punch from the bar.

[alienlisa]

"The term 'dinosaur'," says Eleven in his best professor voice, "is restricted to just those reptiles descended from the last common ancestor of the groups Saurischia - those who walked on two legs - and Ornithischia - those who walked on four legs. The reptiles who flew and swam are not classified as such by your scientists. Not currently, anyway."

"Didn't some scientists just find out a few months ago that Spinosaurus could swim, though?" Jesse points out.

The Time Lord nods. "They found that it had a number of anatomical features that suggested it was semi-aquatic, yes. Perhaps that will be the catalyst that will change their 'dinosaurs don't swim' views." He shrugs.

[thosetwoturrets]

"But why not? Who the hell are they descended from, then?" Steve demands to know. "What makes that one ancestor so special?"

Both he and Gary perk up when Jesse and Eleven talk about the recent discoveries about aquatic Spinosaurus. "Ooooh -- and see? I mean, I guess don't exactly make the guy a Plesiosaur or whatever you're supposed to call 'em, but still!"

"Why do you care so much?" Vic has to ask.

"No good game or console wars online. Gotta entertain ourselves somehow."